The Prodigal Son
I Am The Prodigal Son, weighed with the burden of a sinful heart and a rebellious nature. In the words of Paul, “For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” (Romans 7:20-21). This is the burden of the believer, one that hurts the soul, yet the same burden that Christ died to kill in us. I am the prodigal son. I want to go crazy and leave everything I’ve ever known behind, not believing that there are consequences to my actions. I want to be wild because my sinful nature tells me that although I know it will tear me apart, it will be fun. That I can get away with it because I can, with my dying breaths, ask for forgiveness from the Lord and let that be good enough.
But then I remember that my soul’s only purpose is to serve the Lord. That without Him and His glory, I am nothing. I remember the call from Romans 6:
What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his.For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.
Its passages like this that remind me that I’m the prodigal child that has to come home every day, actually. As I sit here and write about my sinful nature, the Holy Spirit in me is walking me home. He is walking me home, reminding me of the grace and mercy of my God; about the fact that there is nothing that He can’t heal.
He’s asking me to have more faith, to lean in and listen, and to sit with Him. He’s telling me that He can kill the devil in me, but I have to let Him. He’s telling me that he can sanctify me, but that I have to start doing the work, that I have to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. It’s two-way street.
He wants my obedience for the sake of His glory in my transformation. He’s asking for more because there is more, and He would know because He set it before me. He wants to put me in my limits so that I can experience a true freedom that doesn’t choke the life out of me, but rather allows me to flourish as He designed me. He wants me to grow good fruit, I just have to remain on the vine.
He loves me.
He invites me to wrestle, but He compiles me to bow. He is my friend, but He is also my Lord, and His name WILL be honored at the end of the day. He’s in the business of conforming me, making me into the likeness of his son, who is called Holy above all things.
Its times like these when I understand the Psalms. A steady stream of lament from the flesh, then a push from the Holy Spirit, gentle like a whisper, moving me in the direction of the cross- pushing me down to the feet of the Father, compelling me to give Him glory because it’s the only thing that I know to do.
I didn’t mean for this to end up being a glorifying prose, but more of an expression of the rebellion in my heart. But in this process, I see that I, who am in union with Christ, am eternally entangled with Him for the purposes of His Glory. I can never be removed from Him, and that there is no distance that I put between me and my God that He won’t cross to steal the affections of my heart.